


Memories Lost and Trusts Gained

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M, PWP, Romance, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-13
Updated: 2003-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark finds something in Lex's desk drawer that leads to some revelations about Lex's character.and some other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories Lost and Trusts Gained

## Memories Lost and Trusts Gained

by Wiccan Moonlight Faery

[]()

* * *

Clark stood alone in the dark shadows of the entryway, a sense of silent foreboding filling him. He wished he wouldn't react this way every time he was here, but this place was just dark, uninviting. The cold stone made the belayed the harsh, unforgiving nature of the place, chilling Clark right down to the marrow of his bones. The shadows twisted and stretched in every direction, as if to hide the true callous nature of the place. 

Trying his best to ignore the unwelcoming aura the house gave off, Clark lifted his hand and rang the doorbell to the Luthor castle. 

There was a short pause as Clark stood there alone, but after a few seconds the door opened to reveal a strict looking man in an immaculate black suit, expression showing no intention but that of business and obedience. He was the type of man that most people felt afraid to approach - to touch - for fear of marring the unblemished perfection of the visage. And as often as Clark saw this type of man, the stark, humorless manner still made him uncomfortable. 

There was no reason he _should_ be uncomfortable, however, as the man was simply a butler of his friend, Lex Luthor. Clark felt guilty for the fact that he never seemed to remember the man's name, but if the butler minded, he had never shown it. Clark did recall it being French or something of the sort, but as he had never had much talent in foreign languages, that wasn't much of a help at all. 

"May I help you, Mister Kent?" the man asked, his tone professional. Being given such a regard as "Mister" only added to Clark's initial discomfort. 

"Ummm...I'm h-here to see L-Lex," he replied, his voice a little unsteady. He was intimidated, as usual, by the old-fashioned pleasantries. 

"One moment." 

The front door closed again quietly, once again leaving Clark alone in the darkened front step. Clark looked down at his shoes to occupy his mind, but quickly became bored and stared at the stone walls, and even began counting the rivulets in the wood door before it once again opened. 

"Mister Luthor will be occupied for the next few minutes. He has instructed me to take you to the library to wait for him." 

"Thank you," Clark replied, following the butler inside and along a familiar route of twisting hallways to the library. Upon reaching it, the butler opened the large double doors and motioned Clark inside. 

"Mister Luthor will be with you shortly," the man said politely before pulling the doors closed behind him. 

Clark looked around, beginning to feel slightly more comfortable in familiar surroundings. He had never seen much of the Luthor castle, and suspected that he probably never would, but he had been in the library countless times before and it was almost as familiar to him as his own home. 

Clark wandered around, looking at book titles and such as a way to occupy himself in the time that Lex was gone. Most of it didn't hold his attention for long, as the vast majority of the books were large, leather-bound novels, which he didn't see how anyone could have the patience to read. Giving up on being occupied by the numerous books, Clark moved to sit down in Lex's desk chair. 

He sat there for a moment, thinking. What was Lex doing as he waited there. Was he closing some multi-million dollar deal or something else of large importance? Was he dealing with an employee? In an important conversation with his father or perhaps an intimate one with a woman? The possibilities seemed endless. 

He was torn away from his thoughts when he spotted one of the drawers to Lex's desk half open. He looked at it contemplating whether or not to look inside. He didn't want to invade Lex's privacy, but he had to admit that the open drawer piqued his interest. 

Looking around as if to make sure no one was looking, Clark slid the drawer the rest of the way open and peered cautiously inside. At first, all he spotted were normal things one expected to find in a desk: pens, highlighters, notepads, and other such trinkets. Feeling a bit stupid, Clark was about to close the drawer once again when he noticed something in the back of the drawer which seemed out-of-place. 

Intrigued, Clark reached his hand into the drawer, fumbling around a little until his fingers closed upon his target: a small glass vial. 

Clark removed his hand from the drawer and held the vial up to the light, inspecting its contents a bit more closely. Inside was a single lock of red hair, tied together with a small, black ribbon. 

Clark's brow furrowed for a moment in confusion, looking up. Why would Lex have a lock of hair, obviously meant to be preserved, lying in his drawer? 

Immediately, Clark's eyes were drawn to a picture of a woman on Lex's desk. It was a photograph of a beautiful, red-haired woman...Lex's mother. 

Clark looked back and forth from the lock of hair to the photograph. But it was easy for him to tell that the lock of hair in the vial did not belong to the woman in the photograph, for her hair was quite a bit more auburn than the piece of hair tied by the black string. 

And then it hit Clark: _Lex used to have red hair_! 

Immediately, all the pieces fell into place and Clark realized that the lock of hair he now held in his hand must belong to Lex. Recalling a few pictures he had seen of Lex as a child confirmed his suspicions; the lock of hair was the same shade as Lex's had been before he lost it in the meteor shower. 

Still, Clark was perplexed. Lex had never struck him as quite that maudlin. In fact, Lex had never given him the impression of being sentimental at all. He would have thought that Lex would have considered sentimentality a sign of weakness, as he did so many other things. So then why did he keep a lock of his hair? 

"Sometimes, it's hard to let go of memories," came a voice from the doorway, startling Clark out of his reverie. 

Clark looked up, startled, nearly dropping the vial. Lex was standing in the doorway with an expression on his face that Clark could not decipher, yet he did not appear to be angry. Still, Clark dropped his eyes, feeling guilty for invading his friend's privacy like that. 

"L-Lex, I'm so sorry," Clark began. "The drawer was partway open and I just - " 

"You don't have to apologize," Lex dismissed lazily. "It's human nature to be curious when you see an open drawer." 

Clark eyed his friend curiously. Usually, Lex was someone who was very adamant about his privacy, but he didn't seem as angry as Clark had expected him to be about the intrusion. His emotions, as usual, were kept completely in check, perfectly undecipherable. 

"It just surprised me that you'd have this," Clark said, deciding not to question a good thing. "You don't exactly seem the type to have little sentimental keepsakes." 

A slight smile touched Lex's lips as he walked further into the room with his usual agile grace. "You'd be surprised. There are some things that are gone that you just can't bring yourself to try to forget. Nothing says that you have to give up one your memories. And sometimes you need a little something to keep you from forgetting," Lex explained, perching his body lightly on the edge of the desk to face his friend. "I still have many of the things that my mother gave me to help me remember how much I cared for her when she was alive. I even still have Julian's baby blanket." 

Clark nodded, understanding his friend's reasoning. "And you kept a lock of your hair to remember..." Clark trailed off. He was going to say `the time before you were bald,' but that didn't sound quite right. 

"A time when I was normal," Lex finished for him. "Or as close to it as I ever got, really." 

Clark eyed his friend in concern, and he knew Lex would hate him for it, but a slight bit of pity as well. It would be a lie to say that that wasn't depressing, yet it would be a lie to say that it wasn't true as well. Clark understood what it was like to be different from everyone else, but at least he still was able to _pretend_ to be like everyone else. Lex had never had that luxury. He had always been and always would be the son of Lionel Luthor, a traitor to everyone, in the eyes of most of the world. He had been turned cold inside by his father, then even further by the meteor shower and his mother's death, sprouting a mutual distrust between Lex and the rest of the world. It was sad to even think about. 

"You usually thrive on being different," Clark stated. "It's what makes you who you are." 

"True," Lex stated, clearly not letting any of his true emotion show through. He gave a quick glance to the vial that Clark still held. "But that doesn't necessarily mean that I truly want to be who I am." 

There was a pregnant silence following Lex's statement, the thick layer of pain even Lex couldn't hide making the words hang heavily between them. Lex immediately regretted even letting the words leave his mouth, for showing that weakness, even just to Clark, was still showing weakness and still made him vulnerable. 

"Everyone wants to be someone else sometimes. Everyone wants to be normal," Lex said quietly trying to break the tense silence. 

Clark nodded once again, quickly identifying with his friend's words. "Haven't you always told me that you shouldn't spend your life obsessing over what could have been?" he countered gently. "Telling me to live for the now, I pave my own path... _carpe diem_ and all that?" 

Lex closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the shock of that sentence. The words stung deeply, although he knew that that had never been his friend's intention. Still, he felt a wall going up, distancing himself from Clark. He was so used to words like that being followed by insults and other cruel words, so it was hard not to expect the same from Clark. The firewalls were simply a reflex. 

"Well I'm a hypocrite, so what?" Lex shot back defensively. 

"Lex..." Clark began, standing up to face his friend. He placed the vial down gently on the desk. "I didn't mean...you're not a hypocrite. I'm just trying to understand you. Every day, when I think I finally have you figured out, you throw something new out at me. You're one great mystery to me." 

"I'm sorry," Lex whispered, sounding like a lost child. Clark came off feeling like he had just kicked a puppy. 

Sighing to himself, Clark moved to stand directly in front of Lex. "Don't be. It's part of what I love about you." 

Lex's throat choked up. "What?" he questioned, his voice slightly unsteady. Had he heard what he thought he had just heard? 

In a move that was uncharacteristically brave, Clark moved his hands up and placed them lightly on Lex's biceps. He felt Lex's body tense up for a second, as he was not used to being touched in such a loving matter, but after a second, Lex's body relaxed in his touch. Feeling a little more confident by Lex's reaction, he began to run his hands lightly up and down Lex's arms, stroking softly. 

Lex's eyes dropped closed, long eyelashes fluttering down to rest on his pale cheeks, covering up the ever-illusive mystery that the blue-gray eyes always held. Almost unconsciously, as if drawn to Clark by a magnet, Lex's body began to move closer to Clark's, craving more of the soft touches. 

When Lex's face was just inches from his own, Clark leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You heard what I said." Clark heard a sharp intake of breath from Lex and pulled back slightly, to see that Lex's eyes were now open. "If you were normal, then you wouldn't be yourself. And I love who you are," Clark finished softly. 

"How could anyone love who I am?" Lex questioned, his eyes clouding over to a stormy gray. "How could you?" 

"I'm not exactly normal myself, Lex," Clark replied, placing a huge trust in Lex. "I never have been. I think we both know that." 

Lex's eyes widened, looking at Clark in surprise. Clark had just handed him the biggest measure of trust. He had just offered him the opportunity to ask everything he had been wondering, find out _how_ exactly Clark was not normal. Clark had opened the door and given Lex the perfect opportunity to walk through it. 

Looking into Clark's eyes, Lex could see a degree of trust that he had never seen before. It nearly brought tears to his eyes. He knew, at that moment, he could ask Clark anything he wanted, and Clark would answer. 

But it didn't matter. Just the fact that Clark trusted him was enough. 

"It's part of what I love about you," Lex replied, quoting Clark's words back to him. 

Smiling, Clark leaned down and placed his lips to Lex's, kissing him tenderly. Lex wrapped an arm around Clark's neck, bringing him closer to deepen the kiss. 

And Lex's own words echoed in his head. Everyone wants to be someone else sometimes. _Everyone wants to be normal_. But in that moment, in Clark's arms, all Lex wanted to be, was himself. 


End file.
